I now intend to write a parenting book.

As I’ve said in a past blog, I’m getting old.  How old? Keep reading, find out, good idea.  As I’ve aged, I now find myself in a new, interesting place, a place I call “thirtysomething” or “Dawson’s Creek.”  It is a strange place in which I find myself, not unlike a surreal waking dream.  Or something considerably less emo.

Over the course of the next month I’ll be turning 30 and having a baby.  Naturally my wife will actually be having the baby, but you get my point.  I’m constantly being inundated with tips and advice on child rearing, most of which boil down to a small list of must-do’s:

 

  1. Must feed child when child is hungry.
  2. Must change diaper when diaper is dirty.
  3. Must talk to baby, so as not to creep him out for years.
  4. Must protect baby from near-certain zombie apocalypse and American Idol (can you tell the difference?)

 

The full extent of the advice I’ve gotten has been quite a bit more detailed than this compilation you see before you. I figure it’s about time for me to start writing a book about parenting, a no-holds-barred, straight-talking tome about what to do and when.  The book will of course be illustrated, as most parents (and those expecting) don’t have a whole lot of time to sit down and read 400 pages of instructions.  And because I’m a hyperlink addict. Expect to find easy-to-follow instructions on baby handling, what to feed them, what kind of clothes the baby will need and how to choose a proper diaper.  Ok, the last one there may be a bit off, but whatever.

My research is extensive, but if anyone out there has any last-minute tidbits they want to share with me, feel free to put it into a nice little email, and forward it to my inbox/personal filing assistant.  I assure you I’ll get around to reading…something….someday.  That’s all for today.

 Or is it? 

Yes, yes it probably is.

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