Now that I’m officially a college graduate, I’m faced with the arduous task of finding myself a real job. A career. Daunting, I know. I started putting together little packets with my resume, transcripts, samples of my work, brownie recipes, etc when I realized that my resume looked a bit thin. At the same time, however, I firmly believe that plenty of people exaggerate a bit on their resumes, a little “padding” here and there. So why should mine be much different? It shouldn’t. Here’s a brief list of 15 outstanding achievements of mine, listed first in the..ahem…creative way, followed by the actual meaning. Now somebody please give me a job.
- I have designed and built a fortified and defensible position using only common household goods.
- I have taken part in the planning and execution of successful operations involving groups of between six and eighteen.
- I am a member of an international organization composed of hundreds of thousands of individuals dedicated to the advancement of technology and its use.
- I have overseen the proper maintenance and upkeep of vehicles within a motorpool.
- I am experienced in establishing basic physical security measures as well as maintaining those measures.
- I have extensive knowledge of a number of forms of communication, including state-of-the-art technologies.
- Through years of practice I have developed an advanced ability to conduct searches, both physically and electronically, allowing me to be better able to locate goods or information that is needed.
- I have experience monitoring and tracking transnational criminal and terrorist organizations
- I am able to quickly and effectively adapt to new environments, cultures, and customs, a skill learned through constant foreign travel over the years.
- My skills with modern electronics and machinery have earned my repeated praise from superiors and colleagues.
- I stay in shape by regular physical exercise, including hiking, weight training, and cardiovascular work-outs.
- I am known for my punctuality and disapproval of tardiness. As a result I am often trusted with maintaining timetables, schedules, and deadlines.
- I have studied the works of specialists in a number of fields, in order to better prepare myself for unexpected events.
- I have experience cataloging extensive inventories of items and compiling their information in databases.
- I have an uncanny ability to translate technical information into non-technical language for readers unfamiliar with the subject.
And in layman’s terms….
- I once built a fort using sofa cushions and pillows.
- I’m awesome at Call of Duty: Modern Warfare online multipayer action.
- My XBOX Live Gamertag is stranglehold76
- I watched a mechanic change the oil in my car and my mom’s.
- My locker at work as a Masterlock combination lock on it, to which I have forgotten the combination.
- I can send text, picture and video messages.
- Anytime my wife loses something, I find it somewhere she swears she’s already looked. Also, I’m great at finding stuff on Wikipedia.
- I saw G.I. Joe twice, Cobra can’t hide from me.
- I went drinking in Juarez every Friday for a year, and learned a lot about fitting in with Mexicans.
- I can use a Magic Bullet and watch high-definition television at the same time.
- I walk to school every day carrying 40 lbs of books and supplies.
- I own four watches, and I know how to use them.
- I have the complete MacGuyver box set on dvd.
- I arranged all of my LP’s into alphabetical order.
- I am something of a creative writer.